Saturday, 20 January 2018

Sunshine on a Winter's Day!

I'm back after quite a long hiatus!
What I only learned a few months ago was that I had been on my way to a burnout. Lack of concentration, trouble finding words, overly emotional, mood swings, more so than just being hangry!
As any true bookworm can relate, one of the many benefits of reading so avidly, is the enriched vocabulary we receive. It's like an added bonus! To have to search for words, to the point where it's hard to formulate sentences to speak, constantly searching for things or constantly forgetting why you got up or what you were doing, it becomes pretty upsetting. I had to repeat words for whatever I had to do. Get some water? "Water, water, water, water, water" was in constant repetition in my mind. If I would enter the kitchen and stop repeating before reaching the sink, I would stop short. "What am I doing here?" "What did I need?" "Where was I going?" These thoughts would plague me. "Where was I, that made me want to come to the kitchen?" I would turn around, lost. It's a scary thought. Thinking you're losing your mind at 36!

I had lost the ability to concentrate, and thus all reading was put on hold. Can't get much reading done when you need to re-read the same sentence over 50 times and still can't catch what was said! I never thought of it much, but if I were to be honest, it felt like my passion for reading had burnt out. Can such a thing be possible?!?
To fill the void, I starting living through my friend's summary of books she was reading, she too is an avid reader and reads quite quickly. I needed it, to give me sustenance.

Unfortunately, burnout happened, and obviously had to be dealt with! It was not pretty, I wouldn't wish it on anybody! Not all stressors are gone yet, but I'm capable of dealing with them. One step at a time. Therapy helped and still helps. Time off work helped. Working on me, giving myself goals to work towards, reading, listening to music, writing, picking up old and new craft projects, seeing friends, saying "no" when I don't feel comfortable or when I feel overwhelmed, doing things that make me happy, travelling, baking, cooking, all these things and so much more! Therapy helps, I can't stress that enough! Therapy, it's talking/crying things out with someone who isn't a friend, or family, but can be trusted, and will listen to you. They don't judge you, they take notes and listen with an open mind, to help you see things from a different perspective. They help you find coping mecanisms, they suggest things and help you in your walk to better yourself, how you feel about yourself, how you see the world around you and how it all affects you.

Now that I'm on the mending path, I've been able to get some reading done! Finally! I feel as though I'm discovering my love for reading all over again! Great memories! New and old! Great stories, and there will be new posts soon of all the books I've read since I've been able to pick up a book and not put it down until it was done!!     

My only quelm now, is which book to read next?                                                                                                                                                             

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